When i was 6 my younger brother died he was 2 year’s and 6 months old i saw on the cameras very bad ones becuse it was 2012 and qualitly was poor saw a figure of an child it was him i jumped of my couch up the stairs and jumped in the pool with my older brother he was 9 year’s old we took him by hands and legs out of pool down the stairs and my mother was near she came called ambulance dad came back too… they gived him some injections under tongue pumped lot of water out of him got him in the ambulance car but he died at the way in the there… i renamber everything about that day to the down detail smell.. how did everything look EVERYTHING and i renamber dad calling mom and telling he passed i was had a sit i cryed like never in my life and asking my mother questions like “he will never go to kindergarten mom? “he will never grow up?” and soo on crying and crying

My pearents devorced last year like 9 months i had terapy and everything i was taking pills i tryed to kill myself with pills and wine i survived

And now i got diagnosed with conduct disorder probably will get diagnosed with ASPD when i turn 18 i’m 16 now becuse i do rly cruel things to animals and i don’t feel good about it it’s just painfull what did i become after all this turned me in this no empathy person with high intelligents and feeling no remorse or guilt it’s really bad i i can’t… this is too much pain to write and i stoped terapy and stoped taking pills becuse i want to fit in the society and pretend and imitate other’s bihavior becuse that’s making me feel normal like rest of people