I feel like I am a burden to everyone. My friends and family… I wish I never existed, just die in peace, or dream forever in my imagination… I can’t accept reality, but I have to. Though, I don’t want to… I always stress over a simple mistakes, mistakes that I pull with my friends or fam. I feel I would only ruin their reputation or image, that’s why I feel lonely and try to be closer to them, but I only feel like I am lost and couldn’t relate? Or left out… It got me thinking, I never fitted for them. What I am fitted for?? I am lazy sometimes, wanting to dream only, want to have fun, making jokes, and laugh together until I get tired, and forget about my problems… I don’t know If I am not fitted because of the new generation? Or just because I am growing up… I urge for someone to love me and be by my side forever. Would accept me for who I am and would love the things I will do, supporting me with the smile on his face. Hence, it’s very hard to find that person. I am being controlled by my emotions, I let my negative thinking get me… Sometimes, I can sense someone backstabbing me. I get depress and couldn’t move forward, staying in a circle who couldn’t talk to someone. Hand shaking, mind blank, only thinking to that person who hate me. I want to have a courage just like someone, could stand up for myself. But it is harder than I thought… I am dumb, ugly and someone who lacks. Also, I watch myself like someone who is mean. I’ve been through a lot… and it kept repeating no matter how hard I try to be me. Being me, only gives me problems in mind. If I can’t be me, I still get depress and telling myself I am not happy. Who am I? Why do I feel like this?? I am confused and broken. If I can’t be both, At least give me a chance to be happy, even a few years before I pass away. XoXo