UGHHHHHHHHHHH this is so lame…
im really confused with myself right now, i have no idea if this was a genuine crush or if i tricked myself into thinking i had one with my incredibly intrusive thought ridden brain forcing thoughts about this person
its happened a few times which makes me think thats just how i develop crushes but it just feels so weird, especially with how im also trying to actively tell myself that i do not like this guy. especially since im 19 and hes 26!!!!!
but anyway. i started having these thoughts about a friend a couple weeks ago, hes kinda cool and funny and i usually was able to talk to him pretty well but ever since this s*** ive just. im not really a good speaker anyway but ive just found it harder to talk to him and in groups in general which has kind of made me feel down.
found out hes had like a girlfriend for 7 years which is Hilarious 1. BECaUSE they would have been dating since i was like 12 and 2. ive known this guy for 2 years and he NEVER ONCE spoke about her and 3. he just didnt seem like the guy to have a gf. today when he told us our friend group literally laughed at him and did not believe this

anyway im kinda just rambling now, i dont really know what the point of this was. i guess im glad that i can now move on from these stupid thoughts maybe but also a part of me is a tiny bit sad. but also glad again because im pretty sure im lithromantic : ) 👍👍