I always feel alone, despite me never really being alone. However, I constantly have this feeling that people don’t actually like me and hang out with me out of pity. Whenever I’m around my „friends“ I actually quite happy. But the moment I’m alone I can’t even bring myself to smile at anything. I just feel empty inside. I want this feeling to stop, I actually want to accept that people like me, but I can’t. The reason I feel this way is because of a former friend group I was in that kept excluding me when making plans. They even did it infront of me and the only thing I could do was to put on a fake smile. It got so bad over the years that I started to get severe anxiety, stress and depression. For a year I have been living with intense stomach pain from the anxiety, resulting in me sometimes having to vomit and not being able to gain weight, no matter how much I eat. And despite changing my friend group twice since then, I continue to feel this loneliness and I have constant doubts about my new friends actually liking me. I just want it to end, I don’t even care how. I can’t continue this way and overthinking is killing me inside.
