i seriously love her.
the problem is that shes aromantic.
( I’m a demiromantic ace lesbian)

i wish my feelings could be reciprocated, but we aren’t that way and never will be.
Shes the one who let me be comfortable as a lesbian and encouraged me
and honestly helped me through such a difficult time in my life even if it was indirectly.

I’ve never met anyone like her before and she’s my closest friend and honestly I’ve never had a friendship or generally a friend I’ve cherished more.
Nobody is the same way she is, and I wish I could hold onto that and onto her.

Its just difficult for me to understand, I feel as if I’ve been led on by her but I feel guilty.

shes always flirted with me jokingly/platonically and I understood that and joked back in a platonic way. Until it wasn’t platonic anymore. Ive never flirted with her with romantic intentions knowing that she is aromantic but the fact she went as far as saying things like, “maybe we should legitimately date” really bothered me

it made me feel like I had a chance but in reality, I didn’t

ive had a crush on her for months, if not for the years we started talking again
but I need to get rid of it

for me it feels like shes the one, but she cant be

ive never been more in love with anyone and honestly imagined a future with her

I still hope a have a platonic future with her but it still hurts

considering that she’ll never think about me the same way I do her

am I even a special friend to her? does she cherish me even platonically?

i know I’m the only friend she talks to but I just don’t know if I’m important to her and that hurts even more

I just wish she could love me romantically if even at all
shes just amazing and its hard having a one sided crush

when I get this close to someone it really feels like there’s nobody else for me

I went from constantly yearning for someone to yearning for her and its hard trying to imagine myself with anyone else

and I made a mistake.

this was before I really acknowledged my crush for her, and really saw her as a friend
but we made this promise

that we would platonically date once we turned 16 with the exception that if either of us fell in love that we’d call it off and stay as regular friends

well, there’s two more years left
two years for me to shake these feelings off

because otherwise I’ll have to call it off because shes the one I’m in love with
it would be unfair for me to platonically date her
but how do I explain that? do I like to her? do I confess without the intentions of having my feelings reciprocated but as a guilty confession, and an apologizing one?

I never meant to feel these things for her