I just had the most time-wasting conversation with my narcissistic sister. Normally, I would refrain from using that word, as I’m not a medical professional, and that word is being thrown around in a very careless way nowadays. However, every psychology video I’ve ever seen on spotting a narcissist, describes her perfectly. Her using of “word salad.” Not being able to be held accountable for any responsibilities. Not doing work that she thinks is “beneath her.” Making people late, because they have to wait on her to get ready (ironically, she is always on time to all of her personal appointments). Flipping the blame onto other people when she thinks people are ”attacking” her, when they are just trying to hold her accountable for her angry outbursts (which include shrieking, put-downs, and cursing). And the weirdest thing is that we all came from a pretty normal household with no narcissistic parents. Today, she believed I was doing something suspicious in her room. In reality, I went to go and look for her phone charger, because I saw her phone was on one percent and didn’t want it to die. However, she said my kindness was “too out of character” (despite me helping her with big and little things, way too many times to count). To which I said, “Do you believe you’re not deserving of love or something?” That passing comment was a huge, huge mistake. It’s like I ripped off her mask. Because the look she gave me was animalistic; like all the good energy was sucked out of her body, and only resentment and disgust was left.
And now, she wants to have a sit-down conversation about my passing comment, and unpack it. Really, I don’t think it’s bad to have productive conversations. However, she has to have a conversation every single time someone does or says something that she doesn’t like. In fact, I already have another conversation “lined up” with her. And guess what that conversation is about? We had bought some imported food for my grandparents. After telling her “that food is not for you” over and over again, she decided to help herself to the food. That led to her having a complete outburst, saying things like “I’m adult and I can eat whatever I want! I’m so f****** tired of being policed!” Yeah, she used the word “policed.” Which is very extreme. And now, she wants to have separate conversations with everyone, describing how we hurt her by saying such hurtful things to her. These conversations last anywhere between 1-5 hours. I wish to God I was exaggerating. Dear Lord, I wish I was.
She randomly reminds me every day (it’s only been 3 days) that I should have the conversation with her as soon as possible. Like, urgently. However, I’ve told her that I just need some space to think about it, and I will definitely let her know when I am ready to talk about it. (Spoiler, these “talks” are one-sided, involving her listing off every word that was used against her, and how it was wrong.)
Well, I tried to be honest with her, by telling her that I didn’t like being constantly reminded. That’s annoying, and it doesn’t give people the needed space to reflect on a given situation. Well, that was my second mistake. Because apparently, she believes that people needing space from her is called “spite.” In other words, I am “spiting” her because I explained to her that she keeps doing the “pushy car salesman” technique by reminding me of something that I already know. She randomly reminds me every day, even if we are in the middle of laughing at some meme or something. It’s like the concept of “appropriate timing” does not exist to her.
But apparently, me needing space is “spite.” And “she knew it all along,” that I was “spiting” her. So if I need space, I should forget it because needing time to reflect and introspect is spiteful???? I am so not looking forward to sitting down and having a conversation with her because it’s just gonna end up with me feeling super stressed out. There’s never a middle ground; she has to have the last word, and you have to agree with everything she says. That’s the only way these conversations ever end. I really think this is going to give me high blood pressure if this hasn’t already. Because there’s no way you can tell when you’re going to offend her next. It’s something new every time. It’s like trying to avoid land mines. I pray for the day I can live separately from her, so I can find some peace.