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a pain
4 years
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The song “I’ll Be Good” (Jaymes Young) reminds me of the guilt I feel as someone who is chronically ill. The lyrics (to me, at least) are a reminder that no matter how much I try, I’ll never be good enough for my own expectations. It shows me my own battle with how I constantly tell myself “I’ll be good”, “I’ll be the child that my parents wanted”, “I’ll try harder”, and yet I’m utterly helpless trapped inside this body.

This post will likely become lost amongst numerous others, but oh well I suppose.

New Confession

I’m a teen. How can I do it* with no pain. It’s hard for me to access to the stuff. (It=death) I’m exhausted. My family hates me. My friends are always stepping on me. I’m very fat and very ugly. I do sh. A need a cheap, not painful and accessible way. I need a hug. I used to let myself get groomed by older men. I loved the attention but I felt dirty. I blocked anyone if they ever asked for nudes. My grades are horrible. I work hard. I swear I do. But I’m so stupid. I already tried to do it* several times. It always failed and they were very painful. I can’t access to any pill. I’m probably mentally ill but no one will notice that because no one cares. I’m desperate find a way. My only escape from reality is eating. But now I’m f****** obese, ugly and getting bullied. No men will ever even like me. No one loves me as a friend despite how much I put effort in the friendship. For the last time. I’m begging you for a way out. The world is not made for me

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Related Confessions

I’m a teen. How can I do it* with no pain. It’s hard for me to access to the stuff. (It=death) I’m exhausted. My family hates me. My friends are always stepping on me. I’m very fat and very ugly. I do sh. A need a cheap, not painful and accessible way. I need a hug. I used to let myself get groomed by older men. I loved the attention but I felt dirty. I blocked anyone if they ever asked for nudes. My grades are horrible. I work hard. I swear I do. But I’m so stupid. I already tried to do it* several times. It always failed and they were very painful. I can’t access to any pill. I’m probably mentally ill but no one will notice that because no one cares. I’m desperate find a way. My only escape from reality is eating. But now I’m f****** obese, ugly and getting bullied. No men will ever even like me. No one loves me as a friend despite how much I put effort in the friendship. For the last time. I’m begging you for a way out. The world is not made for me

3 Views