my best friend is 3-4 years older than me. i think about him f****** me all the time. he lives a few states away but we see each other in person a few times a year. he gets me delivery food all the time and tonight he ordered me a steak dinner. he makes elaborate gifts and packages for each special occasion and buys me whatever i want when i want it. we exchange i love yous every few seconds and we are absolutely obsessed w each other- but i am sure that he thinks of me as a brother. its so intensely hard to deal with. theres about a year left until i move in with him. all i can think about is how i want his warm wet c*** inside me and arms holding onto me. hes so much bigger than me he makes me feel so small. want to be his sleeve so bad. i crave his touch. i remember being with him in a hotel room while everyone else was away and he laid on top of me and fell asleep. i wonder if he could feel me throbbing. he has the most beautiful curly long hair. thank GOD he doesnt have a partner. he sits inside each day and does nothing except for talk with his mom and talk to me over the phone for hours and gift shop for me and wait for me to call him so we can watch movies. he talks about what movies we’ll watch when we live together and all i can imagine is his d*** shifting in and out inside me while whatever stupid movie hes put on is playing in the background. i want him so bad. we were meant to be together forever, not as brothers but as something deeper than lovers. why cant he see that!!!! i had an obsession with my other close friend but it went away once i started my meds- this has never left. we are destined to die together. hes on the phone with me right now snoring and sleeping and i love him so much. god