A pain and a truth.. For the last few months I’ve been routinely abusing my fiancé’s 18 month old son. F***, I just got done abusing him a few minutes ago. I don’t know why I do it. It’s like.. something takes me over and I can’t do anything to stop it. I don’t feel good when it’s happening or after it’s over. I can see him hating me more and more as each day passes. He used to be so full of happiness and laughter.. we used to be best friends.. Now I can’t even get him to laugh.. He’s terrified of me. I’ve suffocated him, punched him (head, face, d***, balls, b***.” I gave him a hematoma on his pelvis just last week and it’s still not even close to half-healed. I scream and beg myself for it to stop but nothing works. Nothing helps.. I already know how it’s going to end; either I kill myself or I kill him. I don’t want to hurt him anymore.. I can’t look my fiancé in the eyes and tell her any of this. She would 100% leave me, which I wouldn’t blame her for. She should. I don’t even know where any of this came from.. It just happened one day. One second we’re best buds; in the blink of an eye, he’s terrified of me.
