Insomnia is the worst because when you get tired you enter this state of mind where you just think about s*** you did wrong or stuff you could have done better. This for me usually pertains to relationships. I just think about all the things that went wrong with them and blame myself. I broke up with my last girlfriend in October but that was for the best. Since then I have been friend zoned twice and I found out that my first serious girlfriend finally got a new boyfriend. I was fine with that. She is a great girl and deserves to be happy. But I just started thinking about our relationship and I feel like she might be the one who got away and it was more like I pushed her away. Its probably the insomnia talking but that is the b**** of it. She is an amazing girl who deserves the best and I sure as hell don’t deserve her but I can’t help but wish for maybe another chance with her. I talked to her for the first time in a year a month ago and it was good to catch up. She was super sweet to me and said she was there to talk if I ever needed it, but I can’t talking about us when she is with someone else. That is not fair to her. I just feel like no one wants me. I feel alone. I just want a girl to want me again. Maybe its just better I be alone for a while. Maybe it will teach me to appreciate the next girl I am with more, but right now its hard to believe there will be another one. Especially like my first girlfriend. Where ever she is and what ever she is doing I hope she is happy.