I struggled with depression all the time growing up but finally began to beat the suicidal side of it my senior year of high school. now its my senior

4 years

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I struggled with depression all the time growing up but finally began to beat the suicidal side of it my senior year of high school. now its my senior year of college and it’s back and worse than ever. I have no idea who I am or who I want to be, I feel so alone and unwanted in my house. all my friends are having these amazing summers with their thesis projects and internships, one of them even got engaged. and I’m stuck working a job that pays me minimum wage and want to die. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, I feel like if I died no one would really miss me

New Confession

To be human is to continually change. Your desire to remain as you are is what ultimately limits you.

The Puppet Master

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My ex would s******* harrass me every day, if that is the word. Force me to show him my body, show him myself m***********, pleasure him since we were long-distance. Whenever I said no, it would be begging all night until I gave in. So I stopped saying no in fear of him leaving me, embarrassing me, sending the photos out. But now, a year after him, I still imagine what it would be like if we did have s**. I imagine it when I’m alone, about how he’d topple over me, guide me through it with a soft voice as he deflowered me. How his rough hands would grab me and pull me hair like how he would describe to me. How he said he wanted me to be choking to the point I nearly threw up. How he wanted his hand on my stomach as he plowed. I pray every day that I never see him again, but I pray that the sin of my desires is attained first.