I just want to rant and TW SA
I don’t know how to feel with my brother anymore (he’s 4 yrs older)
I got SA by him when I was younger than 10 but he says it’s not him but the more he talks the more memory I unlock which pointed to him, he’s an anti-feminists, sexualise things, lies and
into weird religions(he told me so what if global warming happened we will just respawn in a different world, as I told him this isn’t a game “you won’t know maybe I’m a genius” he failed 9 grade) it comes to a point where he knows he’s in the wrong but he tries to pin it on me
he took pictures of me when I was sleeping sending them to his friends telling them “I thought girls were supposed to look pretty, He forced me out to a very public and hosted events when I had social anxiety, he even try to tell me “you’re just shy” I almost vomited when I went with him, He told me I deserve the SA when I told him I had two different people who done it to me and he likes looking at “Lolis”
He told me about his ex-GF’s mom “she’s a therapist yk maybe she can prove you’re just shy”
as if he was threatening me
one time I didn’t want to get up for school, he was supposed to wake me up
instead, he laid on me and it triggered me, the feeling of it makes me want to cry right now
I feel so dirty, when it triggered me I crawl into his wrists even though I don’t have nails
we fought on the bed, I grab his hair and gripped it
after that I just went to school even when I come home, I tried to explain to my mom but she just yelled at me, he at one point even lift his wrist in my face and rub it in
he always tells me “blood before friends” He forces me to go to family dinners, and visit them. I hated it
when we were doing laundry I cut myself a bit and it triggered me so I dropped everything and went to the bathroom and cried after an hour of crying I went to my room and he was there “what’s up with you, freak?” he even tries to say he had a rare disorder (DID) unknowingly to him I have it which is why I have such bad memory and mood swings not to mention the alcohol my grandma gives me, I told him I had autism once and he said “no you don’t you’re too dumb, Autism is for smart people who go to Harvard and stuff” Like he didn’t pay attention to both of our grandparents saying “she’s a bit slow and special.” yk what I’m done ranting, I want nothing to do with him in the future I just wanted to let it all out, thank you for reading
Life is just so yucky
-K