I don’t know, I’m just really tired and I miss my mom so much. She’s in the room next to me but I miss her. I started feeling like this around when I turned 13 and I’m 14 now, it feels like I’m not a kid anymore with the way she treats me and all I want is for my mom to hug me or kiss me goodnight or call me her sweet little girl like I used to be, now she just sees me as lazy and rude. My head hurts so much and I’m so tired and I can’t stop crying and I’m really hungry. I never grew up with a mom or dad or anyone fixing dinner every night so I don’t know why it’s just now really getting to me but I want to be like those kids who get fixed dinner every night and who have their mom and dad and their siblings all in one home with a nice meal in front of them and who get their parents love. I’m not saying my mom doesn’t love me, she does.. it’s just that we fight so much and I can’t take the fighting like I used to. When it wasn’t summer and I had school I was really stressed out from missing so many days and having bad grades (due to being really really sick) but now that it’s summer days just blend into each other and nothing feels real. I have to be on the swim team but I can barely do it since my breathing is so bad. I feel so sick and I’m so tired- all the time I’m so so tired I just want my mom to hold me and sing me goodnight songs like she used to when I was little, I don’t want to grow up and die I don’t want to hurt anymore everything hurts and I’m so tired I feel delirious. I don’t know I was supposed to be going to a therapist but they messed up my appointment and now I haven’t gone in like 3 months and I forget everything. Ive only been to like 3 appointments and at first I liked it but now It just feels like a chore and couldn’t stop crying when she asked me to write down something because I don’t like to have to do things, even if it’s good things I don’t know why I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m writing this I’m so tired and I feel so sick I want to go home and nowhere feels like home. I’m so dumb I’ve told my mom this and she says I just pity myself and that I’m spoiled and i know I pity myself and I’m sorry. I’m really tired I’m just going to go to bed I miss my mom it’s not her fault.