I wonder if i will ever tell this to anyone. How would they react?
Im growing tired of myself. My grades are not above 17 (out of 20) and i think they will drop this term. I have been cutting myself everytime i disappoint myself. Small wounds, but deep ones. I cut them like that to be discrete but to also bleed. When i get sad, i hurt my body, i focus on my body, I treat my body and the pain goes away. It doesnt hurt. It just leaves a scar that reminds me o my failure. I just cut myself, like right now. But i dont feel like treating myself. I dont think i deserve to get better. I dont think I want to continue being myself. Im tired of me. The whole me. Personality, body, mind, what do I have? “Grades dont define someone”. They dont. I mean they shouldnt. They do define me, tho. I have nothing good about me. Grades are good. They make me good.