Ive recently found out im a gay trans man, at first the realization was very painful as ive prided myself as a lesbian my whole life. I think the reason why I always forced myself to be this way is because ive always had horrible encounters with boys and the starting point of this began with when i was raped at 7, so i always believed that women would always be superior to men. I think I mistook feeling safer around women with being attracted to them, and the attraction was in reality what you would call aesthetic attraction. It felt like I would only be safe in a relationship if it was another woman. I began questioning my identity in March, when I got into an artist who is a gay man. He doesnt hide it, he has a lot of songs about his s********, I wouldnt say he made me this way but it definitely made me explore who I am more. To be honest when i first started listening to him i realized how attractive he was, i first noticed it in recordings of concerts and i practically have a whole online folder of concert recordings…its kinda embarrasing. But I always brushed this off as “comphet”…even though i couldnt name a woman ive been attracted to in the past year but i could easily name 10 men ive freaked out about in the past month. I also claimed i could just “appreciate” and “realize” when a guy is attractive and not that when i claim hes attractive that im romantically or s******* attracted to him (9/10 times I was romantically and or s******* attracted to them but I just represssed the thoughts). Like I said he talks about s******** in his music and I think that inspired me to explore my s********