I can’t stop thinking about death
I’ve been seeing a therapist, I’ve gotten several mental health issues diagnosed, I’m doing my best to take care of myself and yet I just can’t stop thinking of just killing myself, I’ve been trying everything but I’m still just as hopeless in life as ever
I usually like to think of a better future to numb this feeling but now every time I do it feels like I’m lying to myself, it’s all just a phantasy and I’ll never reach my goals
Me and my gf are LDR and every little hope I have of meeting her get shattered and it doesn’t help my already fragile mental state
I AM doing sports, I AM going outside, I AN being open about my feelings way too much even, I AM getting professional help, I AM taking care of my diet, so why is it not working? Why am I just as much of a sad idiot?

I always think of just running away and dying of unknown circumstances, recently I’ve been struggling with the thought of intentionally burning my skin while I cook, the only reason I’m still here is that I know I have a few Friends who love me and my mom and my gf and I don’t want to cause them any pain
But how long until they’re gone?

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I just don’t want to feel so depressed all the time.