4 years
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Reminiscing on the days I felt like I was in love, the butterflies when his name popped up, the affection and attention, the feeling that I had found someone worth loving, it all felt surreal like a dream, and that’s because it was a dream. Turns out he was in a relationship already meanwhile I was his little side hook up, I hated being “THAT” girl once I knew, I didn’t want him anymore and I cried from hurting because all along I was being strung along, I told his partner, I spoke with him, basically it was over after that, until this day, although I am definitely over it and happy now, I still think of the what if’s but no point dwelling on the past, just glad I never got prego otherwise I would’ve had to choose abortion or keep the baby to a cheater. Ughhh life.

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I am not a religious type but of any faith i suppose i have the hope that reincarnation is a tbing the most. Because i have been stuck with the most prudish people imaginable, and i am not even talking about kinks necessarily. Sure i have those but they are primarily unfulfilled or not even attempted because i seem to latch onto the most vanilla/prudes imaginable whether a quantity or quality issue. Not claiming i am any god’s gift to s** just that my enthusiasm is limitless for someone else-s pleasure and fulfillment and most days my core needs are completely mainstream. But i am gonna hold off for what i want and need next time around. I get that some of my most extreme ones are not easily fulfilled. I realize that not that many people are going to be good with coming home to me head down a** up with a male dog knoted in my backside. Not everyone is going to be willing to drive me t****** in rhe trunk and drop me off in the woods naked and have to find my way to them in x amount of time. Or similarly drop me naked on the top deck of a parking garage and having to race down the stairwell to meet them for pickup before the exit AND pay the parking bill. Not everyone is down with being laid out naked on the hood of a car or bent over it (or bending me over it. Or even t****** and abandoned in the yard until daylight. But i feel like it is not fair that the only way my easier ones can be fulfilled,,,,golden or being spanked or tickled, or testicle torture….can only be addressed by a for hire d*********. Much as i crave those things that s*** is exoensive AF