The longer the years go on since I considered suicide, the more I think I should’ve done it long ago. I was in the military, my family would’ve gotten money. Now that I’m out, I’ve become a recluse and they won’t get anything at all in exchange for their pain.

I feel numb. No happiness, no despair, no anger. It’s not that I’m sad or frustrated with my life and how it’s going- my family loves me very much. I’ve just lost the will to keep going. I have no drive to do anything. All my desires have seeped from my fingers like sand, the harder I hold on, the less I can hold.