I literally have feeling right now that if this is really safe, but anyways, I’ve been avoiding and being denial about my feelings, I thought this wouldn’t matter, I thought this isn’t serious and it might be go away, but I was wrong about that, almost everyday I have this feeling but I’m still keep avoiding and denial about it, until I get hurt myself, I never say them of how much I love them because I was so afraid, and it’s been 1 year and going 2 years that I’ve never been said to them how much I love them, because I thought it would be better if I kept silent, but I was wrong, until now they didn’t know that I love them and I miss them, and they left without saying anything reasons why they left me and avoiding me, and I already know it’s because this relationship will never be fixed, because of complications. And now, I hurt myself, I still never said anything, I kept silent, and then, because I was invalidating my feelings, I started also kept hurting everyone else who actually loves me, I was being selfish, manipulated, and maybe even idk I’m becoming toxic person, and I started to thinking that what’s wrong with me, everytime I wanted to become a better person, I’ll become a horrible person, and right now I started to hate myself. I was never good at anything, for being a sibling or a child, or even being a friend. And I wish I could just die but scared of. Maybe this is not confession but a vent HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA, because I never vent someone, so this is the only thing that I could vent to safely.