I’m so tired and jealous of couples, romance, intimacy, s** and anything related. It’s everywhere; on the media, outside, even in escapism such as books, shows and games… I hate it! Most of all, it hurts when my friends in uni, some of whom are a bit younger than I am boast about getting in and out of relationships, friends with benefits etc… while nobody has ever shown interest in me, no particular liking, not even compassion. I have achieved much more than many of them when I was younger – that’s because I had to get good at things because my physicality and mentality I suppose did just don’t catch interest… I’ve always been lonely, never had many friends, no siblings or cousins to relate to and my family never understands and now I live on my own. It’s rough. I’ve been depressed for several years after going through other mental issues, including gender-related doubts… I sometimes think I wasn’t supposed to be born this way. I was born too early. I should have been born either in the opposite s** or on time so my genetics would give me a chance. I survived, I endured more than my peers can dream of physically, mentally and emotionally… and I’ve succeeded and rose above in several fields of study, work and hobbies in the past…

But now? I’m just SO tired. I’m exhausted, all the time. I keep getting heartbroken and manipulated by people who think I am weak and betrayed me. They don’t know how strong I am, and how weak THEY are for not being genuine and thinking they can abuse people just because kindness = weakness in today’s fake and stupid social-media-driven society.

I wish I could go back in time… live in a different era, place, as a different gender… or my own gender with better genes so I could stand a chance in this ridicolous slanted competition.

I am so tired of this.
Why? All I EVER wanted was to love and be loved by just ONE person (of a specific gender).
I don’t even want to be friends-with-benefits with anyone… I just want love 🙁
I’ve been hurt but I am still strong.
I have SO MUCH love to give… why is it so hard for the world to accept it?
Why does it only repay me with malice?

Sincerely
A Heartbroken former-Romantic who no longer believes love exists.