hey hallie, I hope you’re doing good, I really do. I pray to god you never read this because my slow mental spiral seemed to overwhelm you and I’m sorry it felt like I was asking so much of you. I didn’t want to break up with you, I’m sure you know that. I’m sorry if it hurt your family, I hope they know I loved them for the whole 4 years we spent together. I thought we were good you know? Yeah I had these problems for a while but I believed you’d love me through all of them. If you couldn’t help me through all my problems all I needed was for you to love me through them. I told you I was hurting and not too sure why, and you told me you think I’m having a relapse of depression, I believed you and appreciated your understanding, but then you left me. You practically ignored me for 4 months without ever telling me you needed help too, you never tried to communicate your fears with me. I’m sorry if they were too great for you to handle, but that’s why I was there, to help piece together whatever unsure thoughts or fears you had. I miss you everyday, but I needed a break for myself, to figure some things out. But you left me. I broke us up, but you left me long before I did. Part of me feels betrayed, because you hurt me in the same way you promised you wouldn’t. Hallie, I hope you’re getting all the love and appreciation you deserve from your friends, what hurts is I thought they were my friends too. They haven’t even checked on me in these past almost 4 months since we broke up, except for izzy and alisa, love those guys. I tried to make things not so messy between us, the last thing we deserved was a messy breakup, I’m sorry I had a few moments of weakness, but I’m more sorry you turned those moments against me. I won’t blame you because I know you’re hurting too, I’m sorry, I know the loneliness is deafening. I miss you, but I don’t deserve to feel this way because you were too scared to communicate with me. I hope you find the answers you needed and deserve in the future, then I hope we can maybe mend this mess we left behind, as friends. But if you want me back, no matter how much I want to die when I say no, I’d like you to fight for me because I deserve to feel wanted. I love you still… but, I’m rambling at this point. Bye hon -alex
