Hi guys, today is my first day here.. just in case, my english is not that great so please excuse me..

The thing is i had a problem with my family and it’s literally just me that have a problem.. i had always thought of this but i guess i’m really an attention seeker, i had always want people to pay attention to me and i’m aware of that.. i really wish that i can stop this feeling of mine but i can’t do it and i don’t know why…

I have a really good relationship with my first and third sister and obviously i do love them.. it’s just that sometimes when we have a fight, it would always being me that need to start talking to them first and even my mom would always said that i’m the one at the wrong so it’s my responsibility to talk to them first.. i admit it that i was at the wrong too but it’s not always my fault, it’s indeed tiring to keep on taking care of other people’s heart when they didn’t take care of your heart.. but there’s nothing i can do, i’ve become use to it to the point that i don’t care anymore if they were to think that i’m annoying or anything cause i need them in my life.

My first sister always told me that she love me, and for some reason i don’t have a reason to doubt her when she said so.. but the more time passed by, i realise that maybe she doesn’t really love me either.. whenever i had a fight with my third sister, she would always said that i’m mean for what i did when she clearly know what i need to go through too..for example, my third sister asked me for something and i said that i can’t give it to her, then she become upset and start to ignore me and later on my first siter said that i’m mean and it’s my fault.. and of course i accept what she said.. not long after that, i also asked my third sister for something and she said she can’t give it to me and we also had a fight again, and my first diter said that it was my fault again and i told her that she’s right while i am clearly so upset in the inside.

Indeed it hurts a lot, but it’s not like i can get mad at my first siter so all i did were by telling her that ‘yeah indeed a know that i’m wrong and it’s my fault’ because if i said something that might anger her, she would start to ignore me and in the end i would need to console her.. so of course this is not big of a deal but this is actually affecting my daily life and i can’t live peacefully either.. it’s just that i start to felt like i want to give up everything and runaway or might as well sleep and never woke up ever, but i know i need to keep going on so i will stay strong for as long as i can!

Thanks for hearing my confession, wish all of you the best! Please always remember that you’re precious and beautiful in your own way.. love you!