The only things I can control in my life are what I eat and whether or not I live another day. I’m so depressed. I hate myself. I’m in too much pain to work full time and I feel like a burden and a failure. I think that some disordered eating is in order so that I can be proud of something or feel accomplished in some way. It’s that or I kill myself. I love my mom and my boyfriend and I don’t want to hurt them like that, so I’ve made my choice. Time to stop eating like the disgusting pig I am.