I used to be complimented on my muscles. I didn’t appreciate what I had. I made mistakes, and I am not sure I can ever be comparable to what I was before. Little girls are basically more or less stronger than I can ever be at this point. I am jealous. I grew up making risks and getting hurt. I feel like the younger generation doesn’t have to make as many mistakes. People spend more time indoors.

They’re all fit as f***. I feel like you all get the latest update of health information on your first day of life. I have injuries and stupid s***, from mistakes, it was all totally preventable. Just didn’t need to take the risks that I did, but when I grew up you had to “be a man” and all that s***. It was all for nothing. The internet came out, the world changed. When you say “be a man” that s*** is offensive now. You can be whatever you want now lol.

I could run up a 10 foot wall in high school and climb over it like I was stepping over a bench seat. I mean I only did that once but I could have done it many times. It just makes me sad that as a man, I am worthless now. The one thing I had going for me, was physical ability, and now that I don’t have that, I have no purpose. I am food for the system. It is the worst thing ever, because just not too long ago, I had a chance, but I fucked up, and I am probably fucked for the rest of my life, I mean I can rehab a little but I am like a tight quick left turn away from falling down and who knows the consequences of that, it can happen at a very inconvenient time and then I am shredded beef. My left knee and my stomach with multiple small tears and hernias is the issue, I am basically afraid of being hurt a lot of the time. In motion it isn’t too bad, but coming to a stop, and getting up and moving from having been sitting down can be difficult.

I am dinner on your dinner plate. My fat is fuel for your lanterns. My blood is food for your livestock. Etc…

What a waste of my life. The scream of agony as I am eaten alive and killed by all of you to survive.

I anticipate never really being able to put much weight on my left foot which ruins everything. I wish there was a war sometimes. Maybe I can’t fight but maybe I can give my life for something. I think it sounds like a good way to die, fighting for my life, giving every last drop before my physical body gives way and I collapse. Delivering my final message and then dying. About the best I can hope for, if I could be so fortunate.