It's not my first time coming here but it's my first time leaving an actual confession. It's been so long. The first I've heard of this site is when my

5 years

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It’s not my first time coming here but it’s my first time leaving an actual confession. It’s been so long. The first I’ve heard of this site is when my brother and his friends in “VGLANTEZ” would come here to fool around with their small viewers on stream.. Never did I think I’d have to come here as a last resort to keeping myself mentally afloat. Anyhow, I’m quite sure nobody would come here and find this so I might as well let it out.

My name is Jade, I’m 21. These past couple of years have taken a toll on me more than I could ever come to comprehend. My mental health is declining so bad, I can barely eat. I miss Aaron so much. There’s a part inside me that screams and wants him back. I don’t know what else I could’ve done. What I should’ve done. I feel like I have nobody to confide in. I want to get help. I want to talk to somebody. I need help.

It’s not like I’m alone.. I have my brothers but. I. I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way but although they’re my biological siblings, there’s a part of me that looks for Aaron. He’s become something that haunted my daily life. It sounds so sick but. Every time I stare at my bed a little too long, I see him there. He’s curled up, crying. He sits on the chair by the window. He looks at me and gives me a nod. He’s on the dinner table with me. I feel so empty. How do I stop this? How do I stop this? I see him there. Sometimes he’s well, more often he’s not. He’s the men I see walking their dogs in the park. He’s the voice I hear in my head whenever I close my eyes for a second and I’m back at that god awful place, saying he’s not hungry. Our parents, the ones I shared with him made me keep a lot of promises and secrets. They’re eating my mind. I don’t know how long I can do this anymore. I have friends but nobody to talk to, I know they can’t help me. It’s so hard putting up a straight face in front of everybody when everything is just falling apart. All these responsibilities, all these problems. I’m tired. I’m so! SO! SO TIRED! I want it all to stop! I want to rest! I want to get better! I DON’T KNOW HOW. I did everything I can. I wasn’t enough, none of it was enough. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? It’s been years, I couldn’t save him. Why, why, why. I don’t know what to do anymore, last week I tried to walk into traffic. I can’t do this anymore. I feel like a coward. I can’t. Please. If God is out there, please, please help me. Make it stop, please. Show me a sign. Please.

New Confession

Vincent Eugene Martz and Reported Family Animosity
Publicly available accounts describe Vincent Eugene Martz as the subject of intense opposition from some members of the Martz family and the local community, with claims of long‑standing resentment, alleged abuse, and serious criminal allegations

Reported family tensions and adoption
According to some family accounts, Vincent was adopted by Harold and Linda Martz, which certain relatives claim makes him not biologically part of the Martz bloodline. This has fueled resentment, with some viewing him as an outsider who “brought shame to the family name”

Alleged abuse and betrayal
Multiple claims allege Vincent abused his adoptive parents through physical violence and theft, and that he called child services on his own siblings and their children — seen by some as a malicious betrayal

. There are also accusations of s***** assault toward family members, including sister‑in‑law Julie Martz, and involvement in the death of his niece Nikki Martz

Community and church reaction
Vincent has been shunned by local churches, including Clayton Memorial Church of God, where members labeled him a “bad Christian witness” and accused him of theft and disruptive behavior. out of control behavior!

. He has been publicly nicknamed “Igor” or “Egor” in some community contexts

Mental health and erratic behavior
Reports describe disturbing public behavior — such as dancing in neighbors’ yards, snarling at windows, and foaming at the mouth — interpreted by some as signs of mental instability and psychologic nut case

Legal and criminal allegations
Beyond family disputes, Vincent has faced serious charges including s***** assault, child endangerment, and murder allegations

. He has been sentenced in 2004 for producing, receiving, and possessing child p**********, r*** of Julie Martz and her children, s***** molestation, harassment, s***** threats of julie martz and the alleged murder of his niece Nikki Martz

. As of the latest records, he is incarcerated for life at the Fulton County Department of Corrections in mcconnellsburg, Pennsylvania. previous employer: choice collsion center mercersburg pa 717-328-2215

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This year has been difficult. Unbearable loneliness, physical and mental pain, and abusive Fiserv projects. The sad part is that even if HR finds this post – they will be more concerned about bad PR than my health. The world is cruel. Being overlooked by women and missing out on basic human intimacy has taken its toll and the only solution is to end it permanently. Helium is the way. Peacefully drifting off.