I think about suicide since I was a child of 7 when my friend suicide. I feel so guilty that he did do it and the pain has never left me. I self harm often. genital cutting, hitting myself over the head with meat mallets when Kelly college would not let me complete my course I paid over $8,000 for… I feel a failure in every way in my life, academically, romantically, s******* I am a failure unable to make a nice young man love me, I can not seem to make friends even though I am a good christain woman and always get blamed for things that are beyond my control. I am 43 and never wanted this life of loneliness, no marriage, no children, no boyfriend, no friends, no career, no real education to be proud of, no money, no investments, no social connections, no serious income, never travelled or had much of a real holiday.

will I end up a an old bag lady living under a bridge with no memory in my old age?

people are trying to take everything from me – from pride, to livelihood, basic rights, freedom, opportunities, love, even hope of inheriting anything from my parents and the being allowed to find love or security of any kind.