TW:ED
I’m supposed to be getting better. I was getting better. I don’t want to constantly be in and out of hospitals like 2021, but I’m relapsing (and not even relapsing well. like, sure, I’m getting rid of all my electrolytes. But I’m not doing the ONE thing that I want my body to do: lose weight) and I really don’t want to have to tell anyone about it.
I’m thankful that I do receive support, but I would be even more thankful if they just let me lose 30kg.
I just want to slice the fat off of my bones. My mom keeps buying high calorie binge foods (I swear she’s doing it on purpose to make me gain extra weight), and my sensory issues are preventing me from eating anything other than carb laden foods. People were so much nicer to me when I was at a low weight. I miss it so badly. I know everyone hates me now that I’m at a “normal” weight. I am really close to placing my hopes onto the slim chance that reincarnation is real, and that I’ll be reborn into someone who isn’t so awful. Maybe I won’t have to place my entire state of mind over my appearance. you bet I’ll be back tomorrow (or as soon as this website allows me to post again) to overshare every single bad thing that has happened 🙂
