Since the day I was born I was told I was special. I was unique. But on a cold day in winter at thirteen my teacher told me “You are not special, you are not unique, you are nobody.” He told me this after I returned to the school while my class was still hiking. I have really bad asthma and being so cold it only got worse. This was the type of school that took the class on more hikes then teach in a class. The teacher always never took the trail, forcing us updy hills and abandoned barbed wire. I had collapsed into the snow and tried to regain my breath, which did not happen for a very long while. By the time I opened my eyes I couldn’t see the class. I decided to head back since they were long gone and we didn’t even use the trail so I’d just end up more lost. When I got there the principal was already waiting. She screamed at me but I couldn’t hear her over my pounding heart. I was pulled into a chair in the office and told to wait. When the class was back our teacher stomped in and proceeded to yell at him. Asking why I left, I was being a stupid f****** idiot. I told him about the asthma but he interrupted me and said that everyone had asthma and weren’t nearly as terrible as me. He decided I had gone back because he thought I was egotistical c***. He told me I was not special, I was nobody. I couldn’t exactly argue. He was right, I wasn’t born retarded so I don’t get special help for anything, even though I have a very low level of autism. I’m no prodigy, I’m not smart, I can’t make music, I have no artistic ability, I can’t even play video games well. I’m not living in poverty, I’m not spoiled rich. I am very weak, being that every time I try to work out my asthma stops me. I am not bullied for my skin tone or s******** or my looks. I’m not handsome or beautiful. I can’t even get along with anyone I don’t know, I get overly attached. I’m not intimidatingly tall or adorably small. I don’t have any major mental illness. I barely have PTSD, I was later told I didn’t I’m fact have OCD and I was flattering myself. I don’t have regularly panic attacks, only once but I was told in wasn’t a panic attack. Hell, nobody even takes my genderqueer or homosexuality serious. In fact there is still a big part of me that hates women, it’s not their fault. Not even I myself take my r*** seriously, I’m not even allowed to call it r***, or molestation. I don’t spend my entire life being a mental f*** up or constantly bothered by it. My father didn’t think it was serious, my family didn’t think it serious, in fact a lot of my family turned away afterwords. Only Ma cared, only her and she just ended up being called a w**** and a liar, the court didn’t believe, nobody thought it was that serious, I don’t even find it serious anymore. I mean who the f*** gets s******* abused by their younger sister and other kids, that’s not r***, that’s just kids fooling around. It burns, it hurts that I can my attacker, just standing there, at least a foot shorter then me, small and fragile, completely unaware that she is the one who ruined me. I can’t even, I look at her but all I see is young girl, not the person who had earlier abused me. It’s like it never happened. I don’t why I’d bother with this, it doesn’t matter, I’m nobody speciel, I’m nobody at all. I’ve never been anything to anyone, expect one. I’ve been someone’s child and someone’s caretaker. That’s all I’ll ever be and as long as I am that I can live a happy life, until I’m no longer that I’ll be happy. But when I am no longer, I’ll be dead.
