When you’ve been lonely and alone all your life, when no one ever loved you for who you really are life hits differently. I’ve built up so many walls, I don’t want to be hurt again. Feelings are dumb and yet it feels good to feel. On days when I feel dead and numb it reminds me I’m still alive. And I don’t want to die, not when I have yet to receive a loving embrace from someone I love. Not when I have yet to experience someone wiping away my tears and telling me everything is going to be okay one day. Unrequited love hurts, no doubt. People tell me I’m so lovable, they enjoy my presence, they tell me I’m cute and beautiful; yet it seems like no one ever wants to get romantically involved with me. Looks don’t matter they say. But seems like I am a truly horrible person if my personality doesn’t attract anyone either. I’m almost 30 now. Looking back, all I ever wanted was to have my own family, but each day that passes that wish is starting to fade. And so, with only a few days left of 2021 I can’t help but think “There goes another year, so many things happened and yet nothing really changed”.
Maybe one day.
