I am aching inside. I am hurting so much for company, for connections. For good people, people I can talk to and make my life with. It seems like I’m just surrounded by people that don’t share my interests or who can’t galvanize me, or I suppose, I them. I’m so f****** alone. I don’t know what to do anymore–it has reached such a state of….intensity, of desperation. I try to find the people I feel I’d make a life with, but they’re nowhere. I don’t understand this f****** life, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do. I don’t get what I’m doing wrong. It’s as if my life is out there somewhere that I’m not, and I’m stuck here, in some sort of f****** exile, removed from it all. All my efforts are in vain. Maybe that Craigslist post I read today was right on; this guy wanted to off himself, feeling like there’s nothing left to live for. I wrote him back, telling him he should try to make it worthwhile, that life is a gift, and yet here I am doubting myself yet again, doubting everything. I don’t get it. There’s nothing for me here, at least here in this city. I must be doing something wrong on some pre-rational, fundamental, subconscious level. I must be. I don’t f****** get it.