I just want to be done. I think about how much of a relief it would be if I just didn’t wake up one morning.
I don’t believe there is anything after this. I’m okay with that. I don’t even want to exist. I don’t want to live anymore, but I don’t want to kill myself.
I feel too much guilt to think about killing myself. I have three wonderful children I would be choosing to leave and I never want them to live with that thought… But I would have no issue with the universe taking my life.
I deal with constant stress, anxiety and depression. I’m bipolar and the highs are way too infrequent and the lows are too prominent. I spend most days feeling like I can’t breathe properly. I don’t want to deal with medication changes again. I’ve been doing the medication dance for 10 years now and I’m over it.
I don’t feel like I can really enjoy my life anymore. I’m anxious at work and never feel like I’m doing a good job. I’m anxious at home because I feel like everyone needs more than I can give. I feel useless and tired… So tired. I’ve developed such bad s***** aversion from my anxiety that I can’t even sit next to my spouse on the couch. They deserve better than what I have… What I have isn’t even enough for ME.
I just want to be done.
