I’m 26 years old and I’m losing my eyesight. I have kerotaconus, a disease that causes the cornea to become misshapen and distort vision. I can no longer read books or easily make art, which are the two things that bring me the most joy. I’m unable to work because I can’t see well enough to even operate a cash register and I have no degrees anyway. I come from a poor family but I’m not poor enough to qualify for medicaid and I can’t afford any insurance, so I can’t pay for the eye surgery I need to correct my vision. Cornea transplant, which only has about a 50% success chance anyway.

Most of the time I try not to think about it and muddle through, but as my vision gets worse I get more afraid. How will I be able to take care of myself? I don’t want to be a burden on anyone, but I’m unable to drive and even am afraid to cook because I might accidentally burn myself misjudging exactly where the oven/burner/hot pan is.

I’ve been told to open a fundraising campaign and ask people to donate. But how can I do that? People only donate to help sick children. I’m an adult woman. I don’t want to beg other people to pay for my medical care. I feel like I don’t deserve it, and I’d feel guilty and ashamed to openly ask my friends and family to donate their hard earned money to me, and to spread the word.

I’m applying for disability but I don’t have high hopes. I don’t like the idea of mooching off the government but I don’t know what else to do. My husband is working hard but we’re living with my mother, who is about to lose her house. I don’t know where we’ll go or what we’ll do. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of going blind. I’m afraid of being homeless. I’m afraid of not being able to care for myself, much less my husband and my mother.

I’m just afraid.