I hate my parents. I hate my mom for leaving us for d***. And I hate my dad for leaving me with his abusive 2nd wife, that I refuse to acknowledge as my “mother”, as he goes to another city to work.

He knows how much she hurts us. He knows.
But he keeps saying that we “deserved it”.

And even when he was there living in the same house with me and my sibling. He never once stopped my stepmother from hurting us.

I can’t believe I used to look up to him. I can’t believe I used to think of him as a superhero that would whisk his children away to a safer place or save us.

I hate my parents so much. What did we do to deserve being put in this situation? What did we do for us to be born in this fucked up world? Why did nobody notice that anything was wrong??

And I know a lot of them did. But they never said anything about it. They never reported it.

I hate this world. I hate it. I hate it so much. All the empathy and compassion I had was stripped away from me. But sometimes it comes back and it tells me how much of a terrible person I am for not helping somebody. Or giving that person money.

I’m so exhausted. I want to kill myself, I want to hurt myself so badly but I promised someone I wouldn’t anymore. And even when I’m so close to just ending my life, something stops me from doing it. Whether it’s my fear, or a distraction. And then suddenly I’m back to walking through my life.

So f****** confused all the f****** time. I’m so tired.