No on knows I am depressed, and I don’t know why I don’t tell anyone.

When I was young, I use to tell my parents I was going out with friends when in reality, I just hide in the forest behind the house so they wouldn’t suspect anything.
I lay next to my boyfriend and cry.
I call out of work because I cry during my breaks anyways.
I ignore my friends so I can just be alone.
I can’t sleep, and when I do I try not to get up.
I’ve done drugs, but it just doesn’t numb enough.
I’ve tried cutting, it doesn’t numb either.
Nothing numbs enough..