I know you don’t want to hear this but I don’t need you. I don’t even want you in my life. You are cruel and ignorant, controlling, heartless and unbelievably closed minded. I do it for you, and all you can do is nitpick that I am not your mirror image. Thank god for that because you disgust me. I know eventually we will have a fight because I finally have self respect, which I know you despise. Every day I pray you will leave me alone, painlessly.

You are a disgusting human being and you have fucked me up terribly. Still, I love you for some reason and continue acting like a lap dog, telling you what you want to hear. You can’t stand anything else, you pick wicked, endless fights if someone even slightly disagrees with you.

You will never change. I can only hope I will be free someday while I’m still young. My life would be so much better and more free without you.

As for you, B, I’m getting tired of you manipulating my emotions because you are bored and want entertainment. I deeply love you but you treat me like I’m cocaine sometimes, not a living, breathing human being with needs. Sometimes I’m frustrated with your weakness and I’m so sorry to say that. You need to grow up in the right ways or the world is going to destroy you. You have been so lucky that nothing world shattering has ever happened to you by this age. I’m scared for you because you seem to think life should be a constant pleasure and haven’t figured out that you are lucky it’s not only a carnival of pain. You need to toughen up. I hate saying that but for someone like you it’s crucial.

You can’t even take care of yourself and you refuse to do anything to change your situation. You are letting yourself drown and always will unless a rescuer comes around.

I hate being angry and tired all the time. I need some space.