I still miss you. I remember how you made electricity go through my veins. I don’t want to feel it. It’s forbidden, and we both know it’s wrong.

I think about you every day. I wish I could stop, and erase you from my mind, but I can’t. I miss you so much that sometimes I cry. I want to hold you, and feel you inside me. There’s so much passion, but I know we can’t ever go there again.

Everytime you’ve tried to contact me, I wanted to jump in your arms. I wanted to talk to you, and tell you how much I miss you. However, I know better that things between us weren’t ever real. They were all fantasy. You werent leaving, and I wasnt, either.

I believe the only reason you opened up to me about personal things in your past was because you knew we’d never be together. You respect her too much to tell her something that would possibly cause her to look negatively at you. I guess its obvious that you didn’t have respect for me. Had you ever really loved me, we would’ve never happened.

A part of me will always wonder, in the back of my mind, how life would’ve been, had we got married. I figure that you would’ve cheated on me, too, though. I wouldn’t have ever been okay with swinging. When you love someone, you don’t do that. You can’t be married and have a Christian life together while staying in a constant state of adultery.

I don’t think I would’ve ever trusted you, or you wouldve ever trusted me. I am glad we’re over. Its only now, going on a year since the end happened, that I can see you for what you are. You used me. I was a safe piece of a** that you got to use at your convenience. You controlled me like I was a robot for you. Did you really think that I was going to be okay with you f****** another woman? Wtf? You were cheating on your wife with me, and you were cheating on me with anything that paid attention to you. That’s why I will never speak to you again. I am done with how horrible you used to make me feel. You made me feel like I was easily disposable ugly trash. I’m not ugly trash. Have you ever looked in a mirror? Do you really think someone wants you for your body or limp d***? Hell, no. Money. That’s all they want. Its why youre married to her right now. Had you not had any, you wouldn’t have her. Everyone knows how she is. Her oldest daughter is the exact same way.

Hearing about Jenny being pregnant was enough for me. You were trying to f*** around with her right at the time she got pregnant. I’d bet it’s yours. You’ll never understand how much that hurt me. It’s too much. Never again. I’ll never speak to you again as long as I live.