I am tired just tired. This lockdown is going to kill me soon. Every day they would fight and fight for the worst reasons possible. The worst I cannot control it. I cannot solve it. I cannot alter it in any way. If anything I am just aggravating it. But I am the most affected by it. Life was easy and very simple before this. Tight work schedule. Almost achieving my goals. Everything seemed to be on the right track. Now nothing is. Everything seems so far of. Each and every goal is so unachievable. Secrets best forgotten are gone. Everybody hates each other. Friends are all scheming behind each other. For some reason, I don’t know everything feels so wrong. This was not my reality. My reality was filled with problems. Always. But there was still someone with whom I could say my feelings. Everyone acts matures and publicly shows solidarity. But everybody personally is cruel, selfish, and vengeful. Such stories I have heard before but I never thought I would experience it as well. At least, there would be some hope. But this is soul-crushing. Tiring. Forever painful. I keep on asking is this really the worst? How could it be? I am right now with my close ones. I would one day leave this place and face an ocean of strangers. They were supposed to be selfish, narrow-minded people. I would struggle with them and then when I had to become vulnerable I would have a place. But my comfort zone is growing forever hostile. Forever foreign and inhabitable. Where should I go? How will I balance the war on two fronts? How should grow any hope? Everything seems so worthless. So dangerous.