5 years
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I met the ladies at the top of the driveway but Lydia didn’t have time to stop in so it was just Monica and I. I had pretty much finished working out for now and went for a shower telling Monica to make herself at home. I saw her spying on me so I put on a little bit of show for her knowing that she couldn’t see much definition through the privacy glass. I would be very happy to be with either of the girls s******* though I did prefer younger girls since there was usually alot less baggage. There is also alot less chance of STDs since they usually have less experience in the s** department, if any at all. I love teaching girls the proper ways to be a lady in public and a s*** at home. Especially virgins. I found Monica waiting in the living room watching t.v. “Hungry at all?” She was a little surprised. She kind of moved her head thinking, looking at me. “No not really.” The pretty girl was checking me out since I had only a towel wrapped around my waist. I had made up my mind to go for her. “If you want I could loose this towel and let you get a better view than through the misty glass of the shower.” That did startle her. “Wha..what I didn’t.. I wasn’t”… I held up my hand and she stopped her lame denial. She looked away. Then, with a shy, embarrassed grin she looked back at me scanning over my body. “Um…Sorry I um, I’ve never seen a guy before, well, um, not in real life anyway.” “I understand your curiosity, it’s cool.” Stepping in front of her and the t.v.
“If you promise not to tell I’ll let you see me for real.” And seeing her bewildered look of disbelief I pulled the towel loose and held it like a curtain in front of my manhood.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf