5 years
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Ouch, I almost felt something. Don’t waste your time psycho-analyzing or insulting me you dumb f***, that doesn’t f****** work on me. I only hurt bad people. I enjoy hurting bad people. I dont hurt “innocent” people. Most Humans are not innocent. Most Humans are filth. Most Humans are a plague. Humans are selfish, deceitful animals who only care about themselves and those who can do something for them. Humans cheat, and steal, and lie, and destroy. Humans are so disgusting, they can destroy s*** without even meaning to. Almost everyone is a monster, whether they intend to be or not. This planet and future generations will be worse off for every single one of us having existed. I may be f****** evil, but I always have a reason. Its not like I didnt try to be nice and reconcile, but I’ve already done too much evil s*** to ever turn back now. Listen, I may have been the first to do some reallyf ucked up s***, but those whores aint innocent either, they were more than happy to keep me their dirty little secret and take advantage of me to make a quick buck or score some free drugs. THey told me what I wanted to hear instead of being truthful because they have no f****** respect. They treated me like an idiot. They insulted me. They treated me like a child. If you humiliate me, you’re pretty much asking to be humiliated back. If the bridges are already burned down then what does it matter if I set more fires? Am I supposed to care about the welfare of some b****** I’m never gonna see again? Why? F*** you, c***. Everythings meaningless and I’m gonna kill myself soon anyways. They’re just lucky I don’t have the balls to actually hurt them. I woulda f****** took a bullet for that w****. I woulda been fine just being friends. S*** at one point I was ready to just settle for a 5 minute phone call. She had YEARS. The most she could manage was some vague social media posts about me and some s***** f****** inspirational quotes. Then I realized she just wanted me out of her life forever and I couldn’t f****** handle it after waiting that long. I was so f****** stupid and I f****** hate her for it. I put my life on hold for her. I was in love with her. I thought she was my soul mate. Her boyfriend is just me but better in every way because he hasnt had to struggle like I have, the f****** nerve of that a******, killing my dreams. F*** everyone. I’ve been nice for too long. I don’t care anymore. I accepted my death years ago. My grip on reality is f****** gone. F*** off and leave me to die you stupid fucks. You’ll never f****** understand what goes on in my head every f****** day from when I wake up to when I go to f****** sleep. How f****** dare you you f****** worthless c***.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf