5 years
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Haha!

Why is that? Why would that be a necessity? Because I’m difficult to manipulate? Because that would level out the “playing field” for you because you can’t win otherwise? Why don’t you come here and instill fear in me? I’ll tell you why, it’s because you are afraid to. You have fear. I know that. What are you 16 years old? You sound like a child. You should grow up but then that’s not something you just do, it just with maturity.

You should try to be something genuine outside of being online and at a distance. In real life. Go out into the world and be completely straight and honest, humble, and do everything without cheating not trying to cheat people. Actually carry things on your own back without looking at anyone else and comparing or trying to compete. Don’t follow anyone, do you, be genuine and base every decision you make on what you believe while still being honest and don’t try too hard for anything whether that be a woman or whatever. Try to be your best, using a sense of good taste, but don’t try so hard. Before you know it, people will take notice and things will fall into place and guess what? It’s all real because you earned it. You will attain things that are yours forever. Respect, love, that kind of thing. It’s always better and stronger when you ear it too. It really is.

The way you’re going about s***, nothing you get is or will be real. People see through that all sooner and later just as they can a person who is real, people can sense it and if your not real it’s doomed before it even starts.

Be real, be able to back everything up if you need to and have a good sense of what you are not also. Know yourself. It’s not as difficult as the way you are going about s***. It’s trying too hard, it’s like the guy at work who does everything he can to not work but at the same time come across to the boss that he is useful. That’s harder than actually doing some work but also if that person needs to back it up, they can’t because they simply don’t have it.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf