My brother and sister died before I was born. Their names were Dustin and Amelia. People say that I never knew them so why should I be sad. But the thing is, I do know them. I used to talk to Amelia every day. I always wonder if maybe she would have looked like me. Maybe she would have been the one to teach me how to put make up on, or the one to give me boy advice… I write her letters, Dustin too. I write them all the time. the more messed up my life is the more I write. I used to have dreams about Dustin. he would be about two years old in every dream, he would come up to me and hold his arms up and say my name. I would pick him up and cradle him rocking him occasionally, I would tell him all of the tings he was missing. I would tell him all the things that went wrong in my life, and every time I would get upset he would look up at me and say “I love you sister…” in a cute baby slur. after that I would always feel better, no matter what it was…
I don’t have those dreams anymore, and I want to have them I miss them so much.
everything seems so wrong in my life right now, I have no one to turn to. the one person I truly cared about pushed me away. Dustin and Amelia are the only thing I have been able to hold on to. But the dreams are gone.

I had a dream last night. I was standing alone nothing to see bot white fog for miles and miles… I was yelling Dustin’s’ name. I could hear him crying but it was getting farther and farther away… I looked down and saw a paper with a weird drawing on it.. I don’t remember what it was though.. then I woke up bawling..

I would never consider Suicide no matter what happens, but I’m afraid I am already dead.