I miss him so much. I find myself searching for him online but he has cleaned up all his online presence. I don’t really want to see him again, because I don’t know what my reaction will be. I miss his smile. His warmth. His touch. His taste. I know he is now happy with her. I want him to be happy and have a good life and future and I know I’m not going to be part of it. I know he probably won’t mind me contacting him as a friend, but I won’t because I don’t want to be just a friend and I don’t want to be stuck in a one-sided longing. Even though I’m now already feeling this one sided longing, I can’t fuel it further by contacting him again. I feel stuck and frustrated.