Oooooh, that’s scary. Satanic…..and might I add, I don’t care who she fucks either.
All that ever happens there with her, is she gets desperate for something, some reaction out of me to show that I care. I don’t. I really don’t, but she will go to extreme length, she may even f*** the stinky dirty p************ kid I work with, without me having the slightest clue. She will be patient, I’m not looking for it, I’m busy, I’m doing something, I don’t care what she’s doing and sometimes I NEVER clue in to the fact that it’s happening. I’m not looking for it or her, so I don’t see it, she gets with them, eventually I just move away, and then she is stuck with these people who she is not even really attracted to, obsessed with her, she can’t get rid of them and then she is neck deep(er) in assholes for an indefinite period of time. And here I am, still not really caring in a love, jealous, s** kind of way. I am absolutely irritated, I’m tired of her, I would like to get on with my life, get some you beautiful thing into my life because I can and forget about it entirely, I don’t care. She could be married with kids, and that’s all secondary to get my or keeping my attention. It’s pretty a** backwards and more than a bit fucked up. When you really think about it, ANYONE no matter who they are from before me, until now, is actually completely worthless. Whether its a fling or the man she married and had kids with. Which is really fucked up. How does anyone ditch the most important person in their life to through that they marry and have kids with someone else, still feeling it? That says a lot about the individual who can do that. That’s a lot of not caring about anyone. She is a baggage collector.
It’s like that City And Colour song lyric. I think it’s “Wasted Love” but it goes “and after I’m gone, once I finally leave, you will be left alone, to the wolves and the thieves” I always found that lyric perfect in this situation with her and me. Because it’s true.
If I can help it though, nobody is allowed to use me or the idea of me to get some. If I see it, I will at least try to eliminate it. I’ll block it like in basket ball. Insure as hell don’t want her thinking I care. I can’t have just any loser out there messing up my intentions in a way that’s not me. Gotta do it on your own. You need to actually be the best. It’s only right. Stand upnon your own. I did. I’ll try to block it, but you’ll still probably get some anyway. Not that it matters.