Few years ago I attended the high school reunion after 20 years. There were only half of my class colleagues, about 16 people out of 34. The rest could not be there, or did not want to be there, or maybe they were ashamed to be there. The organizer of the reunion was one of the colleagues, with whom I’ve been college buddies and we also served in the military together, and my former high school sweetheart. My buddy is an womanizer, but a very discrete one, I know about his adventures, we talk from time to time. He simply cannot resist to a woman that meets his standards, and he has really high ones. Well, he warned me that my former sweetheart did not forget me and that she is somewhat eager to meet me again for the first time in 20 years. She was still single, no kids, and had a life full of bad experiences with men. I was not really into this, cause she dumped me when I was really in love with her. She dumped me for an athletic dude that did not care for love, but for nailing girls. I was not a geek, but really into deep education, especially science, physics, maths, eventually I graduated as engineer and pursued my carrier in IT stuff. At the time I understood that I was not the kind of guy the girls died to date, because I was too analytical, too encyclopedic, trying to understand the essence of things, and somewhat shy. With her I felt something unique, but she was not the right person to share that. She did not understood that love is something you grow, not just open like a can of soda and you get as much as you can from the outburst. I did not hold a grudge on her or anything, after 20 years it really didn’t matter, I felt about her … nothing. Well, not really nothing, some pleasant but distant memories from when I was in love for the first time. From the way my buddy was telling me about her without even asking, I felt like he had some deal with her. He met her several times to arrange the reunion and I knew that he is not interested in her, he had a fling with another former colleague, actually my sweetheart’s best friend from high school. This lady was really unhappily married with a local hot shot that was very jealous and she was on the brink of divorce, so my buddy was of some comfort to her. Then I became curious, so my sweetheart still … hmm. Is it worth to know more, what kind of life she had in the past 2 decades? I knew she did not pursue any college education of anything, so she must have dropped any dreams or hopes, but there was no marriage or kids to prevent her from pursuing her dreams… so she must have had bad luck. I was 75% sure that she wants to have a fling with me… what if not just a fling?

But then was another colleague that I was courting in high school, the smartest of the class. She was taller than me by an inch and she had so nicely proportioned body like a greek amphora, was so gentile and well behaved, with a nice voice, a dark, lustrous curly hair. She was not interested in me, probably because of the height difference or … whatever, but was polite with me and pretended she did not understand my intentions. I understood after two months that I had no chance and just quit courting her. And here we are, after 20 years of unsaid things, we had a chance to share the unsaid things, if there were any. I felt like I wanted to ask her why did she not understood my feelings at the proper time, just because it was between adults now and there was no feelings involved anymore.

We went to the class room, met with some of the teachers, some were retired but attended, drank some champagne, eat cookies, kissed each other, well, shed some tears, remembered some of the jokes and mishaps from 20 years ago, felt like children again, or maybe like teenagers. After this we went about a 100 miles to a mountain resort to have a dinner altogether and spend the night. We got there before sunset and we had time to visit the neighborhoods, take pictures and chat like we were doing it 2 decades earlier. I felt that my sweetheart was drawing closer to me, just to be in pictures with me, to chat with me, to get my attention. From the start I was the volunteer photographer, with proper gear, bound to take pictures of all the participants, so my attention was to everyone. So the night fell and had dinner.

It was pretty nice, we talked and talked, and danced, and sang some karaoke, looked at the sky and remembered how we were 20 years earlier and the dreams we had, dreams that maybe did not become reality for some. For what is worth, all of them were grown ups, with secure jobs, kids, businesses, social responsibilities, good jokes teller and we had so much fun… into the night. I was looking at my former girlfriend without her noticing it and just seeing an woman close of 38 that had a rough life, a life that took a serious toll on her, not the sweetheart of 18 that I dreamed about for a year. It was there, it was her, but it was the first time I was seeing that woman and did not know her, din not feel a thing for her. The teenager was only in my memories, not there, in front of my eyes.

And then was the smart girl, the greek amphora with lustrous dark curly hair. Well, she was now a larger amphora without any proportions, with a bleak hair and very tired, wrinkled woman on the brink of obesity. There was so much difference to the teenager I had in my mind … I felt I have never had anything in common with her. What a surprise. My buddy told me that she rushed to get married to her sweetheart from her home town, and that for about two years he just fled home for a 23 year old girl. She was raising her 18 years old daughter alone. I talked to her for hours and felt regrets from her voice, regrets for her choices in life and all that hold her together was her daughter. It was inappropriate to tell her anything, although I felt the need to comfort her somehow, but again, I had nothing in common with this woman, a faint remembrance of the girl I almost loved.

Life held so much grudge on these girls, having now a bleak life, without a responsible partner on their side, and all because they thought they knew what love is at 18 and made some decisions that, in time, took away their will to go on and turn their life around for better.

So, to end the story, I’ve been the perfect gentleman and stayed with the old high school buddies and drank till the morning. What it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be, especially after 20 years… maybe just in novels.