*Self hurtie* *sad life story*
I’m 16, which is an age where people constantly tell you that you haven’t really experience life and that it will get better or it doesn’t. I’m ridiculed for my interest and dislikes as being a female there is always something wrong about me. The past few months of my life have been hell. I was faced with my increasing internal homophobia towards myself after hearing an on going opinion of my parents due to me wanting to watch an LGBT movie. My best friend for got me and only reaches out when she is feeling down, which is normal now as most people come to me with issues but never bother to stay and listen to mine. There is also my issue with weight. I’m not a fat kid but I’m not skinny and many of my friends have been pointing this out to me in jokes but its starting to get some bad habits to resurface. Continuing, I was in an toxic relationship for 6 months just hoping it would get better, when in reality I kind of knew that she only like the idea of me and never loved me. The boy who previous s******* assaulted me when I was 12 (he was 17) decided that it was a great idea to get back in touch and pretend that nothing happened, along with this my mother continues to tell her friends that I’m never going to make it into the medical degree I have been working my a** off to get into. Sometimes I really hate her, and ‘sometime’ seems to be a lot more now that I realize all that she did was be little me and make me think I was the problem. Finally, the breaking point is I have been having heart issues. Nothing crazy just increased heart rate that stops me from breathing and happens at any time whether I’m okay or not.
In other words for the past month I’ve been living in this cycle of days, where some are the s***** and others are shittier. Because of this i have adapted to a pattern of self harm. I figured out I am able to cut every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday as the other days are filled with doctors appointments and sporting which I need my write to semi heal so I don’t get found out, but the issue arises with me going deeper little by little. It is now Thursday and I have harmed in 2 days but the scars aren’t fading like they normally do and all I can think is how much my mum is going to yell at me and blame social media for being sad.
Sometimes I really hate it here.