I don’t know how to explain it, you ever get the feeling that you’re insignificant? Like you mean nothing at all, that no matter what you do you’re just useless and that you’re never going to be good enough? Bc I’m tired of that feeling and I want to give up, I am happy but I hate myself and hate the life I was given, a certain person makes me happy and so does my grandma but why can’t my mother understand? Why do people have to try to think of me as a person that is to no good, why did I have to get kicked out at 14, and then backstabbed by the people I thought I could trust. Why did I have to feel everything when I tried to kill myself, why did it fail. I wish I didn’t. Nicotine didn’t numb anything, only alcohol and pain to myself helped me, I wish I would’ve died. She couldve moved on, been happier and I wouldnt be here and she wouldn’t have to worry about anything, and maybe things would be better for her y’know, like I wouldn’t have to be reminded or see all the images in my mind of her being with another guy, I wouldn’t have to feel the pain and idk, and I just want to end my life, I hate my life but there isn’t anyone I can tell bc I have to be okay for everything, I have to bottle up these feeling and pretend like I’m okay for everyone but I know I want to cry and pretend like I’m okay but idk