I’ve known him since freshman year in high school. He was in my Japanese class and I used to go skiing with him at Ski Club. I developed the biggest crush on him and his stupid face. He’s a guitarist, a metalhead, has strong opinions, and likes to make funny jokes and stories. He’s a little chubby and I love that about him. He’s never had a serious relationship with anyone. He’s generally a respectful and kind guy, always giving a helping hand. He really impressed me when he would help people who fell down when we were skiing.

But around junior year something in him changed. He became insecure and sad. He began to try and change himself to impress others. He would try too hard to tell his jokes, he changed his clothing style, he even would bring his guitar to school to show off (even though at the time he was a pretty bad guitarist). He had a fallout with his best friend, who I was also friends with. They eventually made up. But I think from then on he’s been hiding who he truly is and been putting on this mask that he thinks everyone likes, but actually no one does. Since then, my crush on him hasn’t been very strong due to him changing himself. But I still, ya know, like him.

It is now my freshman year of college. Wouldn’t you know, he’s attending here too. He lives in the dorm building next to mine and I sometimes see him around. We stop to talk briefly when we see each other. Our college has an admirer’s page on Facebook that allows people to post stuff anonymously about their crushes or people they admire. He got one. Apparently he was in total disbelief that this girl likes him because he thinks he’s fat and ugly. It’s sad to see because I think he’s quite attractive and I wish I could tell him how wonderful he is and how he doesn’t need that outer shell to impress people. I want to send him an admirer’s message, but I’m afraid that if I do he’ll know who I am because I’ve known him long enough. Sigh…