I’m so fucking tired. 12 years of my life for my last one to be the one where I learn the content I need so that I can succeed. But this shitty school

6 years

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I’m so f****** tired. 12 years of my life for my last one to be the one where I learn the content I need so that I can succeed. But this s***** school system and pandemic has single handedly fucked me over so damn much because of my lack of motivation and return of a 7 year battle of depression I thought I had won. I may have gotten the letter of acceptance from my dream college, but after experiencing the effects of covid first hand which has set me back over 3 weeks of schoolwork. My grades are rapidly plummeting in high value classes like chem. I’m so f****** mad at this world and myself for even allowing me to stay up until 4 am, procrastinate all my work and then decide to not do it out of sheer laziness, and put it all behind a smile and rely on stupid f****** apps to be my comfort zone because all my “friends” use me for benefits and not because they actually want to know who I am as a person. WHY AM I SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT THAT I CANT EVEN DO THE WORK I KNOW IS NEEDED FOR MY FUTURE. I HATE THIS DAMN PLACE AND SHOULD JUST OFF MYSELF WHEN I HAVE THE DAMN CHANCE. mom… dad… I’m sorry, the little baby boy you sacrificed so much for and suffered for is a useless piece of sludge in society. Your child is a depressed insomniac whose attempted suicide twice but survived by a miracle and is too scared to go to a psych ward. Your future is dwindling out it’s last sparks, merely because he is not built for this world. I’m sorry.

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