I feel like nobody cares about me. I know that if I just vanished, nobody would care. On Facebook, there’s this group chat, and you ‘can never leave’, and basically, anybody that leaves gets added back immediately, but they never notice I’m gone. The boy that I’m wildly and passionately in love with moved across the world and ignores any attempts to contact him even though he ‘loves me’. My best friend is clinging to this wannabe scene s*** who thinks she’s too cool for me. I’m called a lesbian everyday. It isn’t actually being called a lesbian that hurts, it’s the intent to hurt me. Gay is not an insult. I don’t get any male attention because I’m the ‘unattractive’ friend. My Mother is an alcoholic and my father spends more time with his ex wife’s son than he does his own daughter. I’m falling behind in school. My sister is moving out, leaving me alone with my alcoholic mother and brother. I don’t think anybody even cares about me. Nobody notices that I’m drowning. I don’t have any vices. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs or cut, so I don’t have instant relief. I just keep living with the pain, the loneliness, the feeling of always being second best. The boy that used to get me through it all, my best friend, hates me now and I don’t know why. He’s being abused and I can’t help him. I’m powerless. He doesn’t live in my country anymore. He doesn’t talk to me anymore. He wont confide in me. I worry about him all the time. I miss him all the time. I was recently attacked by this guy, who pinned me to the ground and started feeling my breasts, and my so called friends did nothing. I cry all the time. I feel like I’m on my own, and nobody notices that my smile is forced, my happiness artificial. I need something. Someone. Anyone. I need to feel loved. Like I belong. For once. I didn’t have any friends for years and when I made friends I was always told they tolerated me and now I can’t trust my friends. I fear rejection and being disliked. I get anxious all the time. I’m really sensitive. I cry myself to sleep. I feel like giving up a lot. I feel categorised. I’m the happy, emo, fangirl with no problems. I can’t confide in people since this boy turned his back on me permanently. I miss him so much. He was my best friend. I want to die sometimes. I feel sick all the time. I take everything to heart. I hate the way I look. I feel fat and ugly and I have no talents. I’m sinking back into the dark recess of my mind I hoped I had escaped. I’m being dragged down into the dark abyss that I fought so hard to abandon. It’s all coming back. I hate myself again. Nobody cares. I guess I’m better off not being here…