Quit looking for for excuses to keep him in your life. Get help for your head. You can afford it. You are a dangerous careless person and so is everyone in your life. Enough is enough. It is time to live with your mistakes like everyone else does and get on with your life. You are 40 years old. I only hope you don’t have any kids.

Quit breeding and provoking hate and then playing dumb acting like it’s all him when you get it. It’s not him, it’s you. He would not even think about you at all if you didn’t force yourself on him in such negative time and again. Get over it. Go home and stay away. You portray yourself one way but you are the most hate filled toxic person I have ever heard of. Seriously get help. I can not believe that you have not at this point. Do you even know how screwed up you are? Do you ever stop and take a good look at yourself and the things you do?